A Hundred Days Past the Horizon
by cosmonautfield
Summary: Four times Erwin remembers, and the one time Levi does. Based on a Hyakujitsu no Bara reincarnation theory.


"Underground trash."

"Society's downfall."

"Slayer of women, seller of children."

The names didn't surprise him, most of them were false accusations after all, but Erwin couldn't help looking over at his charge every time he overheard something. He was sure Levi heard it all too but he never showed any sign of caring.

"All those scum should be used as fodder for the titans."

"For once, we'd be wasting nothing on that damn Corps."

Erwin tried as well to not take any of those words to heart. It wasn't like any of these people knew better, having always lived in the cozy, safe interior of the walls. They had never ventured outside, never even seen a titan, and most definitely had never used even a simple knife to kill something.

Well, none of them had directly done it themselves. Erwin was sure a few of them had hired the very hands they wanted to carelessly feed to the monsters beyond the walls in order to get the filthiest of jobs carried out.

Throughout training, throughout meetings, throughout mission after fruitless mission, the verbal abuse continued, and then one day Erwin noticed the height at which Levi kept his chin turned upwards, the spark of pride in his eyes that never faltered. He was in awe and equally humbled by the strength and confidence that Levi carried upon his shoulders.

During a particularly trying march through the crowd of hateful onlookers, in which the criticisms rose and Levi's back grew straighter as he sat upon his horse, something in Erwin's memory was awakened. It shook him like the heavy footsteps of a fifteen-meter and roared not with a voice, but with a hum that grew warm and deafening with the feeding of fuel into a rumbling engine.

Afterwards, when Levi slid off his horse and walked briskly past him toward the bathing house, the ignition was turned and Erwin felt his heart beat to the rhythm of a motor that sputtered to life after years, centuries, millennia, of sleeping within mind after sleeping mind that couldn't be bothered to recall.

Amidst the leather of their harnesses, the sweat of battle, and the blood of their fallen was a sweetness Erwin knew not even his beloved mother could ever grow in her garden.

In seconds it was gone, leaving in Erwin the memories of steel that could soar to the heavens.

* * *

Another battle, another defeat, over thirty-six percent lost. The ride through the town was rougher than usual because the horses were so few and the carts for the dead and dying even fewer. They'd had to release some of them when a group of titans had followed their small party back to the wall. It was the first time Erwin had ever seen it happen and he had to beg his curiosity to yield so he wouldn't look back.

As they made their way through the crowds, he let himself look back now at the group behind him, leftovers of his squad whose eyes were shadowed and bodies bent with fatigue. Even Levi wasn't resistant to it. The younger man was sitting with his head bent low and the blood of one of their many comrades swiped across his face and uniform. He hadn't bothered wiping it off after holding the dying soldier in his arms. Erwin didn't have the heart to tell him to.

"There he is."

"Underground scum."

"Probably enjoys the blood."

"Mad dog."

It was a whisper spoken at the level of a cursed prayer and sent a deep sting into Erwin's chest. Those words for once were unfairly turned toward someone other than himself. He wasn't sure Levi heard it, even if he had he wouldn't care either way, but it sent a chill through Erwin's body.

When he was promoted to commander the day after, the previous one having passed in the recent battle, he couldn't help but break down into nervous laughter when he was finally alone in an office he didn't want to call his and only his.

A commander and his mad dog.

How cruel this world was.

* * *

The first time he kissed Levi was behind the stables, the smell of wet hay and manure stinging his nose. A misty rain was falling diagonal to the earth, so the awning above them barely helped to keep them dry, but it wasn't as if Erwin could even distinguish between the dampness of sweat from stable duties and the droplets from the sky. He was too focused anyway on cupping Levi about the ears with both hands and bending down low to press his lips to those warm, moistened ones.

Levi's hands came up to clutch at his and Erwin was afraid he'd push him away, but those fingers only tightened. When Erwin broke the tender ghost of a kiss, he stared into the melted gray of Levi's eyes and smiled.

"This is filthy," the younger man said and moved to put away the shovel he'd been holding.

Erwin felt the twist in his chest.

Then Levi pulled on his hand and he followed him to the bathing house which was a separate building altogether, unlike at their previous headquarters. Nobody else was using it, perhaps kept away by the rain, and when they were stripped and Levi led him to the water pump furthest from the door, Erwin was thankful for their comrades' finicky nature.

They sat side-by-side, washing away the grime and sweat that had dried and caked beneath their clothes and saying nothing about the day or the thing they'd just done. At first their hands were kept to themselves, but then Levi reached out to scrub at a spot on his shoulder. Erwin stared at those thin fingers, at the short nails that still had dirt beneath the tips. He glanced up at Levi through dripping wet bangs, placed a hesitant hand under the other's elbow, and suddenly Levi was halfway on his lap and their mouths were locked together.

Erwin's heart had never raced as fast as it did that afternoon. Not even when he'd almost lost a leg to a titan. Not even when an angry mob attacked the Corps during his earlier days with them.

His hands slipped down Levi's soapy back and when their kisses grew hotter his rational became feverish. His fingers ran lower, chanced a dip between the swell, and Levi dug his nails into his arms, shaking his head.

"It's dirty," he whispered harshly as Erwin rubbed gently. "You'll soil yourself."

"It isn't dirty," Erwin murmured back and his hand slipped around the bone of Levi's pelvis, to the front part between his thighs, and he held Levi tight with his other arm when the man let out a shaky cry.

Erwin could swear the scent was back, stronger this time and sweeter with the tang of a melancholic, forgotten past. He kissed Levi again and growled at the bite of dull nails in his shoulders, at the difference between who Levi was and who he wasn't. It was a name Erwin didn't dare breathe, lest he upset the fates that had born them into yet another world torn by war, though this time the fight wasn't between him and his would-be lover. Part of the battle, he realized later on while holding a limp Levi on his lap, was within himself, the Erwin that was and the one that simply wasn't.

* * *

"You're driving me crazy."

"How?"

"Your movement. The way you walk. The way you hold a sword or teacup or a piece of paper. I can't...I can't keep focused around you."

"You're crazy. Senile. Old man Erwin."

"No. I'm-"

"You sound crazed. That's obsessive and if I was any other I'd be terrified of you. You're already terrifying as it is."

"No."

"With the way you shout your orders."

"No!"

"Your ruthlessness. The coldness in your eyes."

"I'm not...I'm not..."

"I won't lie. You are intense to the point where I doubt whether or not I can-"

Erwin slammed Levi onto his desk with shaking arms and gritted teeth. His fingers clung hard enough to bruise, and he hated that he didn't regret wanting to make the marks. He had to. It was the only way Levi would understand.

"I'm not crazy," he breathed and Levi struggled when he picked him up. He scratched at Erwin, hit him across the face, and when he slipped free, fell to the ground, and tried to crawl away Erwin grabbed hold of his ankles and dragged him back.

He screamed and kicked. Right into Erwin's injured shoulder, and that was more than enough to throw him back into a night where the bandages had covered farther and there were holes in the crook of his arm that would never close. His veins were safe in this life but never had he wanted for that drug as much as he needed it now.

When he snapped from his thoughts, Levi was sitting with his back against the opposite wall, a scowl on his face.

"Don't touch me," he said and Erwin stayed where he was, the scent of blood from his freshly stitched, now open wound seeping past the bandages, past his shirt, past the recollection that rose from a foggy part of his brain, soaking his coat.

"You're mad," Levi said and tore out of the room.

Erwin didn't talk to him for a week after that. He couldn't bring himself to do it. When Levi didn't push for conversation either, he realized that it should've been expected because Levi was Levi and he didn't have the knowledge Erwin struggled to keep silent about. He felt like an idiot for even thinking that the other had any memory of what they once were. He felt ashamed for acting as if anything he did would be forgiven, as if every bruise and cut he made on Levi would be forgotten with a kiss and utter submission as long as they were behind closed doors.

He'd learned his lesson long ago.

Or maybe he hadn't.

* * *

Winter came early that year and with it the relentless chill that froze the marrow in one's bones. Erwin was lucky to have a second blanket, luckier to have the warmth of another body, and he wrapped his arms tight around his lover and pressed close so their torsos touched. Levi's head was tucked right beneath his chin and his breath tickled at Erwin's throat. He murmured in his sleep and Erwin pressed his palm over the beginning swell of Levi's lower back, wishing to wake him so they could heat up the room once more.

"My knight."

It felt like a thunder that boomed from within, the thudding of heart to chest. Erwin thought it would wake Levi from his sleep. He pressed closer.

"Levi?" he tried in a whisper more desperate than curious.

There was no response, not even a groan or sigh, but Erwin found himself lying there with his cheeks growing cold and his ears straining for something, until his faith froze over and his heart slowed to a weakened beat.

His fingers rubbed idly at Levi's spine, trailed from knob to knob as they ascended, and when his hands could wrap around that thin, long neck he pulled Levi's head back and nudged their lips together. Levi exhaled against his mouth, stirred in his arms, but Erwin kissed him deeper until there were hands at his hair and then at his chest.

When he pulled back he expected a retort, a shove, for Levi to roll over and never face him again for the rest of the night or any night. Instead, the other man slowly shifted up so their foreheads were touching, and his hand came up to trace gently at the bone of Erwin's jaw.

"Klaus."

Erwin blinked and grabbed the hand that settled itself into the bend between his neck and shoulder. He listened, waited, held his breath until his lungs burned.

Levi breathed slowly, shallowly against his mouth. He'd fallen back asleep.

There should've been a dull ache, his stomach should've knotted up, and his mind should've twisted. But that one word carried more hope in it than the hope spread out on the shoulders of every Corps member, the hope Erwin initially saw in Levi that he still saw even now when he knew who they both had been.

There was a flurry in his chest, a swelling that was soon to burst, and he wanted to scream into Levi's hair until they were both wailing into the night. He remained silent though and willed his body to remain calm. He kicked the blankets off from his feet, seeking the chill that would sooth the burn in his blood, and his arms wrapped tighter while his mind pleaded for this moment to never move past the night.

He kissed Levi then, not rough enough to waken this time, but hard enough that maybe something in his memory and not just a dream would be triggered. Maybe not tonight but perhaps tomorrow. Maybe in the morning or the next week. Maybe after the next sortie or during the monthly meeting or as soon as they could lie in one another's arms again.

Maybe it was good that Levi was only Levi with the possibility of remembering, because in this life Erwin was lucky to have the full capacity of the other's love. He felt it with every touch, saw it in every glance, was moved by it with every stroke of Levi's sword and each of his graceful spins. It was all for him. He trusted it to be so.

Erwin buried his nose against the short hairs on Levi's head and shut his eyes so tight his head began to hurt. He smiled against Levi's warm scalp and rubbed his cold feet back beneath the sheets until they found the heated nest between bony ankles and muscled calves.

Maybe someday, fate would turn its cruel eyes away.

Maybe someday, his little bird would sing for him once again.


End file.
